Full-length play

 A Play by William Ivor Fowkes

Hiding the truth in plain sight. 

Full script available at the National New Play Network's New Play Exchange (NPX). Click here.

Or see EXCERPT below.

LENGTH: 95 minutes

CAST: 4M, 2F (playing 11 roles + 2 voices)

PRODUCTION NOTE: ROOMMATES is a "standalone" full-length play that may be performed on its own or together with the other 2 plays (MARRIAGE and AFTERMATH) that make up THE BRONXVILLE TRILOGY, or Marriages of Inconvenience. (ROOMMATES is the first play in the trilogy and includes a PROLOGUE when performed with the other 2 plays.)

SETTING

New Haven, CT; Manhattan; Bronxville, NY

TIME

1971 to 1997

CHARACTERS

Graham Walker. Investment banker from Westport, CT. Articulate and intense. 19-44

Dan Carlsen. Lawyer from Fargo, ND. Athletic and boyish. 19 to 44.

Kitty Walker. Book editor, then stay-at-home mom. Attractive and shy. 28 to 41.

Debbie Carlsen. Advertising account exec, then stay-at-home mom. 28 to 41. 

Richard Hamlin. Flamboyant Yale professor. 30, then 36.

Lipo Suction. Drag queen. Indeterminate age.

Walter Morgan. Law professor. 37.

Todd Wood. Oversexed businessman from Dallas. 45.

Doctor Manzone. Gay. Overworked. 36.

Seth Regan. Sly and promiscuous PR writer. 30.

Maitre D'. Solicitous.

TV Announcer (Voice).

Emcee (Voice)

EXCERPT:

SCENE 1

PROJECTION: “1971, New Haven, CT”

Scene: GRAHAM WALKER (age 19) and RICHARD HAMLIN (age 30) enter passing a joint back and forth. 

RICHARD HAMLIN

How do you like it?  

GRAHAM WALKER 

Mmm . . . Good . . . I’d say, “Groovy,” but I’m too stoned. 

(looking around)

Hey, where’d everyone go?

RICHARD

The party’s over.

GRAHAM 

Oh . . . All right, I’ll leave.

GRAHAM starts to exit. RICHARD pulls him back.

RICHARD

Not you, Graham. You can stay, can’t you?

GRAHAM

Uh . . . sure, Professor Hamlin.

RICHARD 

And please call me Richard.

GRAHAM

Okay . . . “Richard.”

RICHARD

Hey, wait here a second!

RICHARD exits. GRAHAM looks around, blissfully stoned. RICHARD re-enters with a jar of blue paint and a towel.

RICHARD (CONT’D)

Sit down. We’re going to paint each other’s face.

RICHARD sits on the floor. 

GRAHAM 

I don’t get it.

RICHARD

C’mon—sit down! You’ll like it.

GRAHAM sits on the floor facing RICHARD. RICHARD puts the jar down. Does NOT put his fingers in the jar. Instead, starts touching GRAHAM’s face, pretending to paint it. Makes gentle circles with his fingers all around GRAHAM’s face. 

GRAHAM 

Ahh . . . That feels . . . so . . . good . . . 

GRAHAM is transported and confused by what’s happening. RICHARD stops suddenly.

RICHARD

Okay, your turn. 

GRAHAM 

(snapping out of it)

What?

RICHARD

Paint my face.

GRAHAM

Huh?

RICHARD

Like I was just doing to you. 

GRAHAM hesitates. Finally does as instructed. (Unlike RICHARD, he does use the paint.) Draws a ring around RICHARD’s face. Pauses. Evaluates. Starts a second circle. Lingers over his work, caressing RICHARD’s face with his fingers. Suddenly lunges at him. Kisses him on the mouth. Hugs him. RICHARD reciprocates, then breaks it off and stands up. He uses the towel to wipe the paint off his face.

RICHARD (CONT’D)

Hey, stand up.

RICHARD helps GRAHAM up. 

RICHARD (CONT’D)

Come with me. 

RICHARD takes GRAHAM by the hand and leads him out.

END OF SCENE

SCENE 2

PROJECTION: “25 years later—1996, Bronxville, NY”

Scene: The Walker kitchen, Bronxville, NY. GRAHAM (age 44) is sitting at the table reading the New York Times. KITTY WALKER (age 41) enters and sneaks up behind him. Starts to massage his shoulders.

GRAHAM

Mm, that’s nice! 

GRAHAM enjoys the massage for a moment, then finally turns and looks up. 

GRAHAM (CONT’D)

(surprised)

Oh! Hi, Kitty!  

KITTY WALKER

Sorry to disappoint you—it’s just your wife. Were you hoping for Madonna?

GRAHAM

Madonna? No way! I much prefer my wife.

KITTY bends down for a quick kiss.

KITTY

Right answer, darling! 

GRAHAM

Especially after that great birthday party last night! You’re too good to me.

KITTY

I know. 

GRAHAM

(indicating the newspaper) 

Hey, did you read what Dan Quayle said yesterday? Almost makes me ashamed to be a Republican.  

KITTY.

Oh, that reminds me—don’t forget about brunch with Dan. 

GRAHAM

(joking)

I don’t remember inviting the Vice President!

KITTY

Not that Dan. Dan Carlsen. Your best friend. Debbie’s husband. They’re both on their way over. You might want to go clean up—well, too late now! 

DAN CARLSEN (age 44) and DEBBIE CARLSEN (age 41) enter.

DEBBIE CARLSEN 

So, how’s the birthday boy?

GRAHAM

Still recovering from last night.

DEBBIE

Well, happy birthday, birthday boy!

GRAHAM

My birthday’s over!

(to Dan)

Dan, please ask your wife to stop reminding me that I’m aging.

DEBBIE

You’re not aging! You’re maturing—like a fine wine or cheese.

GRAHAM

I keep forgetting you used to work in advertising.

DAN CARLSEN 

What’s with that new car in your driveway, Graham?

KITTY

Dan, don’t!

GRAHAM

It’s here? Don’t worry, Dan—I knew all about this.

DEBBIE

What’s going on?

KITTY

Just a little birthday present one day late.

DAN

Little? It’s a Mercedes convertible, man! That’s always been your fantasy! 

KITTY

And it’s my job to fulfill all his fantasies—well, some at least.

DEBBIE

So, our little college radical has finally sold out. 

(singing) 

Oh, Lord won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz!

GRAHAM

I was never a radical, Debbie!

DEBBIE

That’s not what Dan says.

GRAHAM

Dan was a jock. He thought anyone who asked for seconds at dinner was a radical.

DEBBIE

How can you afford to buy him a Mercedes? You don’t have that kind of money.

KITTY

He paid for it!

DEBBIE

You paid for your own birthday present?

GRAHAM

Kitty doesn’t have that kind of money. You want a ride?

DAN

Absolutely!

DEBBIE

I’ll come, too!

KITTY

OK, fine—the Eggs Benedict can wait. Can I drop Bobby off with your sitter?

DEBBIE

Sure. 

DEBBIE and KITTY exit. DAN makes sure they’re gone before speaking.

DAN

That was some party last night, Graham! Do you realize that makes twenty-five birthdays in a row we’ve celebrated together? 

GRAHAM

I think we missed a couple during grad school.

DAN

That’s still a lot of birthdays. And to think—none of this ever would have happened if it hadn’t been for Richard Hamlin.

GRAHAM

What are you talking about? We met freshman year! Prof. Hamlin didn’t come along until sophomore year.

DAN

You know what I mean. 

GRAHAM

(contemplating)

Oh. I guess you’re right.

GRAHAM goes back to reading the paper.

END OF SCENE

SCENE 3

PROJECTION: “Back to 1971, Yale College”

Scene: A dorm room. DAN (age 19) is hung over. He is sitting and trying to read the Sunday New York Times. GRAHAM (age 19) enters sheepishly. 

DAN 

Whoa—someone’s been out all night! Who was she? 

GRAHAM

(like a deer caught in a headlight)

Oh, hey, Dan! No—I, uh . . . I was at Richard Hamlin’s.

(a little forced) 

After you all left, we got stoned some more. I felt so honored to be singled out. I kept thinking—wow, I’m actually smoking dope with a professor! 

DAN

He’s no big deal.

GRAHAM

Are you kidding? Only the best professors get to be resident faculty fellows. He’s very impressive! And very generous—he keeps inviting us to those parties. I’ve learned a lot there—about the arts and other things.

DAN

“Other things.” I bet! He’s trying to indoctrinate all you guys—mold you into pretentious aesthetes just like him. Sorry—it’s not my scene, man.

GRAHAM

Yet you willingly go to his parties, too.

DAN

Just as an observer.

GRAHAM

Well, anyway, I woke up on the floor this morning. 

DAN

(not quite believing)

Really?

GRAHAM sits.

GRAHAM

Yeah—really. I’ll probably have a sore back all day. 

DAN

(noticing)

Speaking of the devil—

RICHARD HAMLIN (30) enters dramatically. 

RICHARD

Good morning, gentlemen! I’m so relieved to see you alive and kicking this beautiful Sunday morning. I’d never forgive myself if I thought my little soirees prevented you from fulfilling your academic obligations. 

DAN

Last night’s little soiree left me with a pounding headache, Richard! I may have to report you to Dean Porter for corrupting a student.

RICHARD 

(joking)

If that’s the thanks I get for throwing a marvelous party, go have a little talk with the Dean. But then I might have to identify the mastermind behind the whoopee cushion incident at last week’s faculty dinner.  

DAN

On second thought—   

DAN gets up. 

DAN (CONT’D)

I’d love to stay and hold a consciousness-raising session with you guys, but I better get my things and head out to the library. 

(conspiratorially)

And between you and me, I love your little soirees. 

(making the peace sign) 

Peace!

DAN exits to the bedroom. 

RICHARD 

I guess I’ll take my leave, too. I just wanted to make sure you got home safe and sound, Graham. 

GRAHAM picks up the paper. 

RICHARD (CONT’D)

Graham? Look, I know you probably feel awkward this morning. 

GRAHAM

(without looking up)

I don’t feel awkward.

RICHARD

Oh . . . good! In that case, would you like to get together again tonight? 

GRAHAM

(quietly—looking up at Richard)

Maybe.

RICHARD

No pressure. Okay, maybe I’ll see you later.

RICHARD exits. DAN returns with books. 

DAN

Take my advice, Graham—stay away from that guy.  

GRAHAM

Boy, you’ve really got it in for him, don’t you!

DAN puts down the books. Picks up a football.  Starts to play with it.

DAN

So, tell me what happened after I left?

GRAHAM

I told you. We smoked some more grass, and I crashed on his floor.

DAN

But you’re not the druggie type. 

DAN tosses the football to GRAHAM, who catches it clumsily and walks it back over to DAN.

GRAHAM

It just seemed like . . . I don’t know . . . The thing to do.

DAN

Back up! You can do better than that. 

DAN motions to throw the ball again. GRAHAM takes the ball away from him and puts it down.

GRAHAM

You know I don’t like football.

DAN

You’re such a fairy!

GRAHAM

Dan, you’re not in North Dakota anymore. We don’t use words like that at Yale. 

DAN

Yeah, yeah! Just tell me—did Richard do anything to you after you got stoned? He’s not who you think he is. You ever notice he hardly ever invites the women to his parties?  

GRAHAM

News flash—everyone knows he’s queer. I can handle myself.  

DAN

Don’t be so sure. Get this—well, it’s kind of embarrassing. Okay, look—one night I’m at one of his parties. Before I know it, everyone’s gone except the two of us. Then he locks the door and brings out a joint. I figure, why not?

GRAHAM

So, who’s the druggie type now?

DAN

Yeah, yeah! Anyway, by the time we finish the joint, I’m completely wasted, and he suddenly announces we’re gonna paint each other’s face! Now, what kind of bullshit thing is that?

GRAHAM

Time out. 

(considering whether or not to say this)

He pulled the same stunt on me last night.

DAN

What? That pervert! God damn him, Graham! 

GRAHAM

So—what did you do?

DAN

Jeez, I was so stoned; I just went along with it, man. But when I went to wash up, there was no paint on my face. Nothing! The motherfucker had just been touching me with his bare hands! I should have punched the faggot out on the spot! But I left instead.

GRAHAM

Very interesting story. Mine’s essentially the same—but with one minor difference. I don’t know—maybe I shouldn’t tell you. You’ll just get all weird.

DAN

Come on—we’re best friends. Whatever happened, happened. 

GRAHAM

Okay, tough guy: I didn’t leave. And I spent the night in bed with him, not on the floor.

DAN

Oh.

GRAHAM

So, if that disgusts you, I get it. And if you don’t want to room with a faggot, I get that, too.

DAN

No, man. Nothing about you could possibly disgust me. 

(after a reflective pause)

Look, I lied. I didn’t leave either. I spent the night with him, too. 

GRAHAM

Well, well, well . . . wow! 

DAN

And I slept with him two more times after that.

GRAHAM

So, does that mean you’re a “faggot”?

DAN

What about you?

GRAHAM

I’d never done that before. 

DAN

I sleep with women, too. You know that.

GRAHAM

I’ve never slept with a woman.

DAN

We’ve double dated!

GRAHAM

Trust me—nothing’s ever happened.

(a quick laugh—just realizing)

Wow—did Richard Hamlin just rob me of my virginity? 

DAN

Depends on what you did.

GRAHAM

Did you like it?

DAN

Yeah, I did. You?

GRAHAM

I’m afraid I did. I didn’t know what to expect, but it felt so natural—so good! And he’s asked me to come back tonight.

DAN

(disappointed)

Oh . . . Are you going to do?

GRAHAM

I think I might.

DAN

Do you like him?

GRAHAM

Well, I said he’s impressive, but I guess I admire him more than like him. He’s actually an asshole.

DAN

Exactly! So, here’s what I think—we like each other, right?

GRAHAM

Sure! I love you—I mean . . . You know what I mean.

DAN

And now we’ve both been with Richard Hamlin, right?

(pausing for dramatic effect)

So, why don’t we just eliminate the middleman?

DAN approaches GRAHAM. Touches him gingerly. GRAHAM touches him back. They stare at each other and then kiss. After a while, DAN breaks it off briefly.

DAN (CONT’D)

But no one can know about this, right?

GRAHAM

I don’t know. I guess not.

DAN

Think about it! What kind of life could we have at Yale if people knew? Or outside Yale, too? You know what they do to gay people in some places? You ever hear about the shock therapy they use in California? And forget about getting a good job! 

GRAHAM

I don’t know anything about all that. This is all so new. So sudden. Are you sure we should do this, then?

DAN

Absolutely! I’m not trying to freak you out. I’m just saying we’re gonna have to be very discreet. Will you promise me you’ll keep this a secret?

GRAHAM

If that’s what you want—sure.

DAN grabs GRAHAM. They resume their kissing until DAN once again breaks it off briefly.

DAN

But we’ll still date women, right?

GRAHAM

Why?

DAN

We still have to live in the world—be part of everything. Be successful!

GRAHAM

(disappointed)

Do we really have to?

DAN

Hey, don’t worry about all that right now.

DAN grabs GRAHAM again. They kiss more intensely.

END OF SCENE

END OF EXCERPT